Connor, I know that we both screwed up but I think it’s only fair you stop screwing me around. I’m moving on, like you have, and it’d be best if you didn’t text me at half one in the morning and put me in tears. I can’t take this. I wish I could hate you, or just be friends with you but the thought of being just friends make me sick. We had an amazing relationship, it was never right, but it was perfect while it lasted. Before I showed you who I really was and you flashed me your true colours. I think the fact that we lived so far away made me want you more and the more I wanted you, the more dependant on you I became. I fell for you, I gave you everything you wanted but I still wasn’t enough and the fact that I wasn’t made everything ten times worse. You meant the world to me and all I wanted back was some sort of acceptance. Where I told most of my friends about you, none of yours knew about me. I was always your side girl that you used for so much. You always asked for so much, you never knew when to stop asking. That was all you did and all you ever wanted, and you weren’t happy unless you got what you wanted and things were going your way. I’m glad that I’ve finally become strong again, on my own, without you. I’m not going to lie; I miss you sometimes, especially at nights and on Sundays. I miss having our silly little conversations on the phone which always consisted of me giggling and you talking shit. I always told you I could listen to your accent forever, and I can. When you first left, I wasn’t able to stand your accent, if I heard it, I broke down. I’m glad I can finally say, I’m sorry we didn’t last because what we had, at one point was brilliant, but it was always destructive. We both to messed up, we should have just stopped before it started. I’m glad you’re with Em, and I’m glad you’ve made it official because I know you’re going to be happy and I know that now you’re happy I’ve got a chance of being happy too.
Goodbye Connor.
Yours always.
This blogs really turning out to be the biggest waste of space going, I use it, if and when I’m upset and lately that seems less and less. I know that its meant to be a good thing, not being upset and all, but its sad because when I was upset, I felt I had some form of importance, I don’t know how or why I just did.
This one picture says so much, its ten times worse though, because two people like me. Its always awkward because I screw everything up and I never know how to treat people right. Before relationships I’m always alright, nice, sweet, funny and well, just myself. Then the relationship comes along and I become really miserable, screwed up and emotional.
“I’m not a concept. Too many guys think I’m a concept or I complete them or I’m going to make them alive, but I’m just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don’t assign me yours.”
I need to learn to accept this, but when relationships come around I just become far too fucked up, desperate and clingy.
“I’m not a concept. Too many guys think I’m a concept or I complete them or I’m going to make them alive, but I’m just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don’t assign me yours.”
My emotions are really out of whack lately, I’ve not cried for a while and I know that its really good, but I always feel empty when I don’t cry.
I miss when liking someone didn’t involve sex and I could stay up late at night just to talk to them. I was happier when that was the case, not when I had to talk to someone and be really easy in order to keep them talking to me.
I miss how I used to receive cute little texts that made me smile and I miss having someone to turn to when I was upset, I’ve become far to empty lately and that’s killing me.
I’m going to bed. This post’s turned out to be pointless.
I fucking miss you, but all my emotions are messed up. I hate you one minute and the next I want you to take me back. The thought of you with someone else is still enough to actually make me puke, why its gotten so bad, I don’t know. I want to thank you though, I think because of you I’ve become a better person, you taught me that people are always going to use one another in order to get their way, but I’ve come to accept not everyones a total cunt like you.
I’m glad I met you, now I just have to accept you’re not mine, and not let go, but move on.
Everything seems really lame recently. I can talk to people, yes, but I don’t actually listen and take it in. I’ve become somewhat a shell, if you can call it that. I know that its still early days, but today, hearing so many Londoners, it really screwed me up. I miss you terribly and the more I think about you the angrier I get for you doing what you did. I’d like to believe that you only did it because I lived so far away but the fact I know you did it because you’ve always done it makes my blood boil.
I know that I can go without you, I just need to believe in myself.
